Omaha Mayor Appoints O.J. As Police Auditor

Omaha's New Police Auditor?

In addition to naming a box of hair and a man accused of having sex with an underage boy as co-chiefs of staff, Omaha’s mayor-elect, Jim Suttle, has announced that he is appointing O.J. Simpson to the post of police auditor.

“Things have come to me through the rumor mill or through third parties,” said Suttle. “Accusations come and go. But let’s be clear about one thing, a jury of Mr. Simpson’s peers found him not guilty. And nobody has ever found the bloody knife.”

“Yes, I’ve heard the embarrassing rumors about O.J. But you have to set gossip aside,” Suttle said. “I asked O.J. if these allegations are true, and he said no. Whatever happened, O.J. meant well, and he has vast experience dealing with the police. And if you think that this dust-up over Samp is going to make me gun shy about announcing the appointment of Jeremy Sheets to the Civil Rights Board, you’ve got another thing coming.”

• See Leavenworth Street for more on Mayor-elect Dim Scuttle’s press non-conference of June 1st.