“One thing vampire children are taught is, never run with a wooden stake.” –Jack Handey
Omaha mayoral candidate Hal Daub spent the week energetically denying rumors that he is an immortal vampire who starred in the 1921 Symphony of Horror flick, Nosferatu. “I am not now, nor have I ever been associated with Bram Stoker, Max Schreck, or Count Orlok,” said Daub at a press conference just outside the Heartland Plasma Donor Center, somewhere on Leavenworth Street. Others argue that the resemblance is just too uncanny to be a coincidence.
An uncanny resemblance?
Daub admitted that he likes to stir up controversy and “draw a little blood when the moon is full,” but otherwise he is mortal and does not sleep in a coffin. He denied that Jim Vokal has documents purporting to show that Daub has been running for office for over seven centuries in various remote villages in the Carpathian Mountains of Transylvania.
“I have no interest in running for the office of Count,” protested Daub. “I just want to be the Mayor of Omaha . . . forever. Bwahahahaha.”
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