Legendary investor Warren Buffett played host last week to former Treasury chief Henry Paulson, who was in Omaha flakking his new book: On The Brink: How I Raped The Taxpayers And Saved My Pals At Goldman Sachs. A crowd of 2,400 people, many of whom still have jobs, attended the annual meeting of the Greater Omaha Chamber of Commerce and luncheon at the Qwest Center, where Paulson and Buffett were keynotes.
Paulson, formerly of Goldman Sachs and its new Washington division known as the Treasury Department, vividly recounted the days in the fall of 2008 when he appeared before Congress begging for $700 billion cash to pay A.I.G. counter-parties, especially Goldman Sachs, 100 cents on the dollar to cover their bad bets on the U.S. housing market.
“As bad as this is, when we look back it’s not as bad as it could have been,” Paulson said. “For a few weeks there, the financial world teetered on the brink of a true catastrophe.”
Just how bad could it have turned out, but for Paulson’s blank check from the taxpayers? The former Treasury secretary seemed to shudder as he predicted what might have been.
“We could have suffered a cataclysmic collapse of the global financial system,” explained Paulson. “We could have seen unemployment rates over 25 per cent. Do you know what that means? Instead of all of you losing your jobs and your homes, why, I could have lost my job! That’s the kind of Armageddon that was staring us in the face.”
“I know it’s not easy being foreclosed on and losing your livelihood and probably your family, too, because you can’t support them any more,” said Paulson, “but my friends at Goldman Sachs? They have three and four homes and three or four ex-wives, to boot. Do you know how much the monthly nut is on that kind of lifestyle? I don’t have to tell you that losing three homes is at least three times worse than losing one. So I’m glad we were able to avert true disaster.”
Paulson summarized the state of the economy this way: “A recession is when all of you lose your jobs and the banks take your houses. A financial disaster is when Goldman Sachs loses money and I lose my job. That’s unthinkable!”
See also Matt Taibbi’s latest: Wall Street’s Bailout Hustle.
More snow. More potholes. More obstacles and giant holes in Jim Suttle’s tenure as Omaha’s mayor. Suttle isn’t taking this one lying down. “We need a garbage fee,” said the mayor late last week, apparently because he was tired of taking questions from irate citizens with thousands of dollars in car repair bills caused by Omaha’s cavernous potholes.
“If we put a $10.00 garbage fee on the November ballot,” Suttle said, “who knows where that might lead? In this economy, people are eager to tax themselves. What if we follow it up with a snow removal fee? You know, so that homeowners could pay a fee when the plows come through and block their driveways with four-foot mounds of plowed snow, instead of the current system whereby the plows block your driveway for free?”
“We’re also getting $3 million in stimulus funds,” said Suttle, “which will cover as many as one spiked police pension. And we’ve got road crews working day and night filling the potholes with cold patch.”
The mayor remains confident that he will be able to stem Omaha’s pothole epidemic. “Don’t forget,” Suttle chided reporters, “I’m an engineer. It was my idea to use ‘cold patch’ to fill these potholes. Now, that’s a technical road-repair engineering term and not something we need to trouble your lay readers about.”
After careful investigation, Sex-On-Your-Side reporters were able to determine that “cold patch” is a slurry of slush, snow-pack, gravel from city plows, and chunks of black ice, which city workers carefully mash into the potholes while munching on Taco John’s Chili Burritos and donuts. The patches reliably plug potholes for 15 minutes or more.
Thankfully, a certain local publication has inundated Mid-Heartlanders with a series of features and editorial comment on the depth of the crisis. Bravo, boys.
The year was less than zero. Heck, the entire decade was a big zero. We owe more money, our houses are worth less, we don’t open the retirement account statements any more because the anemic balances are too painful to see. Goldman Sachs (Scrooge and vampire squid) has drained all of the cash.
Don't worry! Be happy!
Supposedly Omaha and Nebraska are both doing much better than other parts of the country. Next time you think about moving because there must be jobs somewhere, take a look at this graph, and start applying for a job selling soft drinks at one of Omaha’s 14 new baseball parks.
So far, the health care bill addresses every problem except the main problem, namely, costs. Instead, fee-for-service will be alive and well, with no competition from any public option or government-run health insurance program, and 30 million new customers required by law to purchase health insurance from companies interested mainly in denying claims.
Insurance Benator
That’s all thanks to Nebraska’s Repulicrat and Demopulican Senator Ben Nelson. Nelson is that rare breed of politician who once bought stays bought and votes according to the interests of those who bribed him, I mean, financed his campaign. The Benator positioned himself to maximize the sale of his vote to the highest bidder. He insisted that he would not support a government-run insurance program (because it would mean competition for the Benator’s benefactors, the insurance companies), nor would he support federal dollars being used for abortion (because it would mean he’d lose the backing of Nebraska’s pro-life voters). When he saw that he couldn’t have both, Nelson took the insurance money (natch!) and dumped the pro-lifers. Then he’s reduced to begging forgiveness during a college football game.
Leavenworth Street: The Talk of Nebraska Politics
Here at WeirdHarold, we were all excited about Hal Daub’s return (because it would mean more Hal Daub cartoons!) when out of nowhere Omaha elected an engineer as mayor.
Walter
Suttle’s biggest mistake was thinking that being mayor meant that he had to do something dramatic, like lease a big SUV, close some swimming pools and golf courses, and hire some budget rocket scientists.
Jim
This caused widespread alarm and dismay, because Suttle apparently didn’t get the memo from outgoing mayor Mike Fahey about how the mayorial gig is first and foremost ceremonial. The mayor’s chief duty is to speak at civic functions and don’t say anything quotable. Then spend your leisure time in the Ozarks where nobody knows you are the mayor of a nondescript Mid-Heartland city.
See you at the Holiday!
The Cornhuskers are back! Whew. Pelini is the official Nebraska State pasta. Unfortunately it means even more Cornhusker coverage from the local paper, which now publicly admits that “news” means local sports coverage. If you want to read about Ben Nelson or Warren Buffett, stem cell research at the University of Nebraska, or even the latest winter storm, click over to the New York Times. If you want giant, glorious photos of Nebraska ranchers wearing corncobs on their heads at the Holiday Bowl in San Diego, your Omaha World-Herald will empty its newsroom to cover the pre-game warm-ups.
Bo's Big Adventure
Next year HAS TO BE BETTER. But, wait, did we say that last year?
